Confidence

Self- (confidence, awareness, respect, preservation…)

“Last year, selfie was named International Word of the Year by Oxford Dictionaries, so how about self- as Word of the Age? That’s not self on its own, but self- the prefix, as in self-portrait, self-parody, self-referential and maybe a little self-obsessed. It expresses the zeitgeist. It runs like a red thread through the words that are written, spoken and read everywhere, by everyone from self-made pop culture icons and self-appointed bloggers to the self-satisfied guardians of high culture.

Trends from Havas

“Creating a positive self-image is now recognized as a vital task for everyone, boosted by good measures of self-confidence, self-esteem, self-discipline, self-respect and self-regard. Getting those right sets off a self-reinforcing process, especially for energetic self-starters. On the other hand, people who are prone to self-doubt or self-pity might want to try a little self-compassion and self-acceptance as part of a self-directed self-improvement program. Self-conscious or self-critical people might find this all a little too self-absorbed, whereas others could find it positively self-aware.”

In continual disagreement with Tomas Chamorro-Premuzic and in continual agreement with the quote above (from the Havas Worldwide white paper on the top 10 trends of 2015), I see self-confidence, self-esteem, self-discipline, self-respect and self-regard as vital qualities in today’s world. OK, maybe I am biased, but I still think that the Law of Attraction has got it sorted and that whether you think you can or you think you can’t, you’re right.

So what are YOU doing to self-improve? How are YOU growing your confidence? Here’s 3 ways for people with little confidence in a particular area:

1) Decide, for no better reason than you have decided, that you will be more confident today.
Just deciding to be confident gives you confidence. Confident people don’t look for reasons to be confident, they just decide they are confident. The reason why you choose to wear that particular T-shirt, pair of trousers, skirt or hat is just as valid as the reason you choose to feel confident. It is all in the mind.

2) Reduce the tension.
Fear creates tension and tension is not helpful in overcoming lack of confidence. So with that new-found confidence (from deciding to be confident today), let go of the nervousness. Take a deep breath and let the tension go. Do it several times, until the tension has gone. Now you are ready to:

3) Take a (calculated) risk.
Confidence is the memory of past successes. If you want to build your past successes, you have to take risks. When you realise that those risks paid off (that you didn’t die), you can count it as a success and add it to the bank of past successes on which to build your confidence.

So now you can go out and conquer the world. Failing that, at least conquer your fear of talking to a stranger. Or that girl/boy you have the hots for. Or your lack of self-confidence!

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Confidence

Why Fear is Like Sickness

I have been sick these last two days. Low energy, lying around, watching YouTube, not eating much… And of course, not getting any work done.

Fear is a sickness

That got me thinking, that these are the symptoms of when I procrastinate. When I feel fear. If Fear is in control, it takes my energy away and forces me to lie around, not doing any work. The difference, is that if I am sick, I notice it, because I am not always sick. I also do something about it: go and see the doctor, take medicine, get some rest, eat healthy food (if I eat at all)… Whereas with fear, if I notice it, I usually try and rationalise it away: “I really should be preparing that presentation. Why am I walking towards the fridge? Oh well, since I’m here, I might as well get myself a piece of cheese and a gherkin….” I don’t think to myself “This is not normal. I am not usually this afraid of preparing a presentation, I should contact The Confidence Doctor (read Guy) and see if he can tell me what is going on and what I can do to reduce the cause of this lack of activity and general inaction…”

So where to from here?

Well, I’m back on my feet (hence this article, which I could not have written yesterday) and therefore back to work. Does fear still control me? Sure it does! Who can say that they control fear in every aspect of their lives? I would love to meet that person!

Just remember to treat fear as a sickness – find out why you have it, get some help with identifying it (it likes to hide and fight for its survival, like a monster), then treat it, take the medicine and get yourself healthy again!

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Don’t worry, be happy!

How many times have we heard that message? yet I still come across clients who are focusing on the bad, the uncertain, the fact they should not be worrying….

Looking at the world in the right way

How often do you focus on the negative, rather than the positive? How often do you remind yourself that you are actually lucky? If you are reading this, you are lucky you can read. You are lucky you can see. You are lucky to have a device on which to read it. You are lucky to have the time to be able to read it. You are lucky to be able to think about what it means and whether you are focusing on the positive. You are lucky to consider yourself lucky. Ok, now we’re getting silly. But you get the idea.

Focus on what you have and you will increase it. Focus on what you do not have and you will increase that. Your choice.

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Confidence

Bullying boxing and giving back

A girl gets bullied. As she is walking home, she notices women walking into a boxing gym and follows them in. She gets invited in and given boxing gloves to start training. Back on the street, she gets bullied again, but this time stands up to the bully. The bully walks away. Already a great message and one I mention often: a person’s reaction is vital in determining whether or not they are bullied. But this video takes it a step further and shows the -now grown- girl inviting another little girl in to learn how to fight. Yes, this could be a normal day on the street in any town. However it is the video to the song “Dynamite” by Karise Eden. Karise has an amazing voice and by adding the idea of giving back to this video has taken the message to a whole new level. Watch it here:

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Confidence

Confidence to communicate

Some say we have unprecedented communication.

Some say we have more friends than ever before.

Some say we are linked to people across the globe in numbers unseen previously.

I say we are loosing touch with other.

When I see teenagers chatting to each other in the same room, but over Viber or WhatsApp, when I hear that young people would rather text than talk face to face, when I hear that students avoid interviews because they would mean being judged at a real and personal level, it scares me. What is happening to our communication? What is going to become the norm in 20 years time? How many people will still use their mouths to speak and how many will only use their fingers? Even deaf people communicate visually.

Have the confidence to SPEAK to each other. Have the courage to ask a stranger a question and listen to the answer. Experience the JOY of touching someone both physically and emotionally at the same time. Though much can be learned on the internet, relationships cannot. Communication cannot. Life cannot.

 

 

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Confidence

Confidence is…

Confidence is: Fighting our inner dragonsConfidence is courage. Confidence is doing what has to be done because it will lead to where you want to be. Confidence is feeling the resistance, but controlling it enough to push through that resistance. Confidence is fighting you inner dragons. Confidence is changing that inner voice which says you cannot, are not good enough, will never… Confidence is noticing that you are not happy and doing what it takes to become it. Confidence is taking responsibility for your life. Confidence is doing as much as you can. Confidence is realising that there are things that can be achieved more easily with help. Confidence is having the guts to say “No!”. Confidence is reaching out. Confidence is doing what it takes. Confidence means success. Confidence means fun. Confidence means love. Confidence means happiness. Confidence feels great!

What are you doing to increase your confidence?

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Confidence

Bigger Is Better

In the animal kingdom, appearing bigger than you are is vital. It is a survival technique, both for the individual animal and the species. It is why cats go onto tiptoes when they meet a dog; it is why peacocks fan their feathers when they see a peahen; it is why sea elephants raise themselves as high as possible when about to engage in combat.

White peacock

Humans do not have that ability. We cannot make ourselves bigger. But we can appear bigger. We can artificially inflate our confidence when going into an interview, or in front of a bully, making us look bigger than we are.

Confidence is vital to humans – just as much as to other animals – because it enables us to control fear. It enables us to prove to ourselves that we are more than we think, to reach our potential, to be the best we can be.

Confidence allows us to be who we want to be.

How do you react when confronted with fear, a rival, a potential mate? Do you shy away, feeling small and paralysed? Or stand up high on two legs, fan your feathers and make yourself look as confident and big as you can be, worthy of the attention?

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