How to be confident in 12 steps – part 2

Credits to Moyan_Brenn for the wonderful photo found on Flickr

Credits to Moyan_Brenn for the wonderful photo found on Flickr

Step 5:

Do physical exercise.

No ‘How To’ about confidence would be complete without somewhere

mentioning the positive effects of exercising… Exercise helps oxygenate the brain

and other organs, it produces endorphins (natural feel-good drugs), helps you

look better, gives you the feeling of having achieved something, gives you a good

reason to shower… The benefits are endless. And yes, having showered today is a

good reason to feel confident.

Step 6:

Take small challenges, celebrate small victories.

Having a big goal for the year is great, but confidence comes from the small

challenges you give yourself each day, or, even better, several times a day.

Finishing that task by that time; waiting to eat that chocolate until you have done

this task, or until that time; getting out of the house today – there are challenges

you can give yourself all day. If your expectations are at the right level, you can

then go on to celebrate having achieved those small goals. (If they are not, adjust

them.) The celebration is just as important (if not more), as it gives your body

the message (at a physical level – there are chemical changes that support this)

that you can do something. Remember, confidence is the memory of past

successes. So if you have successes several times a day, you are building up your

reserve of past successes. It also helps your filter (the one that gives you all the

evidence to “prove” you are a failure – or a success!) to get more information in

the direction of “I am successful! I can achieve things!” rather than that of “I suck.

I cannot achieve anything.” which often happens if our goals are too high and our

achievement rate too low.

Step 7:

Say ‘No’.

By accepting to say “No!” to the things you actually don’t want to do, you can

concentrate more on things you really want to do. We all have 24 hours a day. If

you spend 4 hours doing stuff you don’t want to, just to please someone else,

that’s 4 hours not spent making your own life (and that of those around you)

greater. Saying no is healthy. It helps avoid stress, depression, burnout and

murder. Just to be clear, saying no is not a lame, “I would really prefer not to

have to do that.” kind of excuse-making cop out. It is a clear, “No, I can’t take that

task on. I wouldn’t do it to the best of my ability and I prefer to concentrate on

what I am doing.” And for those of you who fear saying ‘no’ to someone,

remember that that fear is based on your perception of risk. Your perceived risk

of them doing something, saying something that hurts you is what is stopping

you. The key to learning this step is to reduce that risk, either by taking steps to

ensure what you fear does not happen, or by accepting the possible (i.e. may

never happen) consequences before you take the risk.

Step 8:

Ask for help.

Smouldering away in your corner, complaining and gossiping about how unfair

life is does not make you confident. If you are having difficulty with a task, ask for

help. Not everyone is good at everything. So know what you can and can’t do and

get help on those things you cannot do. People with low confidence are afraid to

look stupid. Asking for help does not make you look stupid. Want proof? Ask

yourself what you thought about the last person who asked you for help. If the

person is honest about their inability to do something and accepts that this is

something they have not spent time learning, how can that be stupid? With that

thought in mind, go ask someone for help with what you are struggling to do!

And if you need help with developing confidence in yourself or your teenager, I

am but a call or email away! Alternatively, you can connect with me on Facebook,

Linkedin or Twitter or comment below. And of course, subscribe! Because it will

enable you to get what I publish, when I publish it, without having to keep remembering to check!


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