What is it that holds you back from doing what you want? There are 3 most common fears that keep popping up when I ask that question and which stop people from being confident. However, the biggest question is not what they are, but what one can do to gain control of them. Fears are good, but only as long as they UNDER control, not IN control. Here are the 3 most common blocks to action, along with one way to gain control of them:
3) Fear of Rejection
How many times has your request been rejected? How many times have your attempts been blocked? Publishers, Universities, Employers, Clients, Team members, Strangers… So many people who we regularly ask for something say, “No.” Yes, it is easy to advise to just keep going. But I already know that. I already know that it is sometimes the 99th request which is finally accepted. But I still feel as though it is not my request which is being rejected, but me. My being. They don’t like me. My application/book/product/service/offer is a part of ME so it is ME they do not want. How can I continue to offer anything – especially myself – if no one likes me?
Although there are a few ‘quick-fix’ ideas that can work (visualisation, positive thinking…), the truth is that the fear of rejection is linked to your own self-worth. The less self-worth you have, you stronger your fear of rejection will be. And increasing self worth can be tricky, as it is based on what you think of yourself, often based on things that have happened in the past.
However, it is possible to improve self worth (thereby lessening the fear of rejection). Self worth is built on the realisation that others appreciate who/what you are. Everyone has something they are good at, though a lot of people don’t realise that others might appreciate that strength. Being good at something others wish they could do is great and having self worth in that case is not hard – you will have realised fairly quickly that your skills are valuable. But everyone has something they are good at. So start appreciating yourself for who you are. Even if you think that everyone hates you, love yourself.
Start a list of things you like about yourself. Each and every day for one month, add 3 things to that list. It might be that you have really nice ankles. Or that you are sensitive. Or that you see beauty in everything. Or anything else which YOU think is good/nice/positive about yourself (physically, emotionally, spiritually, things you are good at, etc…). Every couple of days, read through the list again and remind yourself of how valuable you are. How amazing you are. How WORTHY you are. And don’t comment below telling me you cannot think of anything! EVERYONE has something that can like about themselves – even if it is just the fact you care enough about your cat to feed it… That means you are caring.
By building up and referring to your list on a daily basis for a month (or more), you will start to appreciate yourself, leading to an increase in self worth, leading to a growing feeling that you are actually a worthwhile person who is fully justified in being on this planet/asking for that job/applying to that university/asking to be published/offering your service/product etc.
Then go out and do it!
What would you do differently if you had more confidence?
As a Keynote speaker, trainer and coach, Kanuka helps people increase their confidence, thus increasing not only their bottom line, but also their quality of life, what they get out of relationships and how they feel about themselves. http://www.ikanukan.co.nz